Welcome to The Vomiting Brain, a blog about nothing and everything headquartered in the remote syrupy northern enclave known as "Vermont".

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

The Art of the Grift


Gov-Huckabee-001.jpg
Wikimedia Commons
Something amazing is happening in this Republican presidential primary, it is my belief that many of the candidates including the two front-runners have no intention of ever being President or holding any kind of public office.  These candidates are after something far more rewarding, profitable, and easier...the grift.

The most obvious example of these grifters is Mike Huckabee.  Huckabee is running for president you say?  I can forgive you if you forgot, but yeah, I mean he is pretending to anyway.  Huckabee hasn't held political office since 2007.  He ran for President in 2008, which got him a nice seven years of a television show on Fox, numerous media appearances, book deals, speaking tours, and supplement sales.  Since 2014, Huckabee has made just short of 1 million dollars in speaking fees alone.  His show on Fox News gave him a reported annual salary of $500,000, and has used his fame and weight loss story to hawk "natural" diabetes supplements.  Huckabee gave up his show to "pursue" the presidency but rest assured he'll have a job at Fox News when it's all said and done.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

That Time Jim Webb Killed a Man and Other Observations from the Democratic Debate

That was a surprisingly substance filled debate.  I say surprisingly because after CNN's intro with cheesy graphics, weird hype, and Sheryl Crow national anthem intro, I thought I had mistakenly tuned into Big Brother, the Superbowl, or some kind of professional wrestling match.  As it turns out, I had just tuned into a shitty news network.

A few thoughts on our candidates:

Hillary
 
  • Best quote: "No" when asked if she wanted to respond to Lincoln Chafee's criticism of her email scandal.
  • Hilary is great at seeming to give a firm position on something while not really committing to anything.  A lawyer through and through.
  • Hillary is a woman and she is running for President.
  • Worst moment: A tie between Snowden would have been given whistle blower protection and she still can't shake the Iraq war vote.
  • Overall, I think she did pretty well at least as far as superficial debate commentary goes.  She had a confident answer for everything, even if it wasn't a good answer she sounded as though she believed it.
Bernie

  • Whether you agree with the man or not, you can't deny the man is passionate and sincere.
  • He's an unpolished, unapologetic, angry old progressive, which is precisely what I like about him.
  • Best quote:  Well I don't have the exact quote handy, but it was pretty great when he went after the media for the obsession over Benghazi and Hillary's emails.
  • Worst moment:  He stumbled a little over guns.  Also he hasn't articulated the policy differences between him and Hillary clearly enough. 
  • Strong showing, but did enough people see it?
Tommy Carcetti Martin O'Malley

  • O'Malley is like the little brother of Hillary and Bernie.  He doesn't really differentiate himself from the other candidates very well.
  • Best quote: Can't think of one.
  • Worst moment:  He endorsed Hillary.
  • Boring.
Lincoln Chafee

  • Poor Lincoln Chafee.  Chafee seems like a genuinely likable person, but the man is just out of his league. But hey, he's never had a scandal. 
  • Best quote:  When asked about his vote to repeal Glass-Steagall: Chafee "I was appointed to office; it was my very first vote. Anderson Cooper: "Are you saying you didn't know what you were voting for?" Chafee: "I'd just arrived to Senate." Chafee you sly dog you.
  • Did I mention he's never had a scandal?  I know that's not something to brag about, but the man did hold office in Rhode Island.
  • Get out now Lincoln.
Jim Webb
 
  • Admittedly, I had only vague knowledge of Jim Webb.  I knew he was a war hero, a somewhat conservative Democratic Senator from Virginia, and that he had written some books.  What I learned last night is that he also (and I say this with no background in mental health whatsoever), is a tad off.
  • Best quote:  This is hands down the best quote of the night.  When asked about what enemies he is proud to have made, "I’d have to say the enemy soldier that threw their grenade that wounded me, but he’s not around right now to talk to."  He should have walked out right there.  Seriously, has any candidate bragged about killing a man before?  Possibly, Andrew Jackson.  In fact, there's a decent chance Andrew Jackson killed someone at a debate
  • Jim Webb, he's killed before and dammit, he'll do it again. 

Friday, October 2, 2015

You Suck at Data

Welcome to You Suck at Data, what will likely be a multi-part companion series to Today in Moronic Memes, pointing out flawed, misused, and logically inconsistent data usage.

Today's installment brought to us by the New York Times' columnist David Brooks.  Brooks takes on the issue of mass-incarceration and determines that the War on Drugs is not the problem:
The drug war is not even close to being the primary driver behind the sharp rise in incarceration. About 90 percent of America’s prisoners are held in state institutions. Only 17 percent of these inmates are in for a drug-related offense, or less than one in five.
Moreover, the share of people imprisoned for drug offenses is dropping sharply, down by 22 percent between 2006 and 2011. Writing in Slate, Leon Neyfakh emphasized that if you released every drug offender from state prison today, you’d reduce the population only to 1.2 million from 1.5 million.
While I don't dispute the number and I do believe people emphasize non-violent drug offenders too much, Brooks might be surprised to learn that drug possession and drug sales is just one part of the legal problems created by the War on Drugs.  A good rule for drawing conclusions from data, should be that the data needs to matter. 

Friday, September 11, 2015

Sometimes Your Dreams are Stupid


File:Facepalm (7839341408).jpg
Tim Green from Bradford via Wikimedia Commons

I can't even...
The 24-year-old from Hyderabad, India, has set out to break the world record for the most selfies taken in an hour. He is so dedicated that in August he quit his job as a research assistant at a hospital to train.
Far be it from me to tell someone not to pursue their dreams, but dude come on. Your dreams are idiotic.  I'd have more respect if he quit his job to pursue smoking pot, playing video games, and masturbating instead.

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Today in Moronic Memes #4

Gidon Yoel Eilat via Vermonters for Replacing Bernie Sanders (Facebook)
I'm becoming convinced that a significant part of our electorate inhabits an alternate universe where rules of logic don't apply.  The Iran nuclear deal seems to bring out nut-jobs, well the nuclear deal and nearly everything else Obama has done, but I digress. 

It's one thing to believe that this wasn't the best deal we could've gotten (a plausible albeit dubious conclusion), but it is quite another to call it treasonous.  This is how the the Constitution defines treason:

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Ballghazi: The Grand Finale (Pending Appeal)

www.bostonherald.com
 I'm beginning to think Roger Goodell might not be worth $40+ million he collects in salary.  From Yahoo Sports:
In this case, the NFL argued that obstructing justice is a suspension-worthy offense. But Berman determined that the league acted improperly on two fronts. First, the league had never suspended a player for previously obstructing justice, and most notably only fined Favre for it. Second, the league never notified anyone that there was a change in the penalties for obstruction. Judge Berman determined that the NFL acted improperly when it failed to tell Brady or anyone else that this was the new norm.
The NFL also determined that Brady's "general awareness" implicated him in the deflation of footballs. But Berman pointed out that this also appeared to be a completely new – and totally unannounced – standard as it related to players. He cited a 2009 incident in which a New York Jets employee was suspended for the use of improper kicking balls in a game against the Patriots. But in that same investigation, Feely was left completely unscathed despite being the player who used the footballs in question. In his own words, Feely told Judge Berman that he had "no culpability" whatsoever when it came to league actions.
 To recap:

The league launched a multi-million dollar investigation into the deflation of footballs; an offense that they had no procedure for investigating and no high school level knowledge of the ideal gas law.  The league then made a determination that Tom Brady was "generally aware" that the balls were deflated after leaking false information stating that 11 of the 12 footballs were 2 or more PSI below regulation and failing there after to correct the reporting in the media.  Goodell then suspended Brady for four games a punishment wildly out of line with any comparable offense, especially the $25,000 fine mandated in the rulebook for tampering with equipment. The appeal of the suspension was brought before Goodell and upheld. Big surprise.

The NFL filed suit beating the NFLPA to the punch to get the case heard in a more business friendly court meanwhile leaking selected information including Brady's emails he handed over to the league.  The judge then urged the sides to come to a settlement because he would either uphold the suspension or not, but there wouldn't be anything in between, strongly hinting that he didn't find the NFL's case compelling.

The NFL clearly misread...everything.  Judge Berman overturned the suspension and the football gods smiled down on New England, the Patriots, Brady, his four rings, millions of dollars, and supermodel wife.

Meanwhile, Goodell (after failing at this, Ray Rice's suspension, "Bountygate", the lockout, the ref strike, "Spygate", and probably a bunch of other stuff I'm forgetting) returns to league headquarters where there is more than likely a mountain of cocaine being snorted by top league officials as they will jabber endlessly about what uniform violations are worthy of a lifelong ban or whether Jim Irsay can score some Xanax so they can finally fall asleep.


*I know this is not a particularly important story, but since it was heard in a court, it could potentially have an impact on other employees covered under collective bargaining.  If the suspension were upheld, it would basically be saying that any punishment is acceptable no matter how arbitrary or excessive, provided that the contract was vague enough.  That's a precedent I'd rather not have upheld.

Friday, July 17, 2015

Today in Moronic Memes #3

 

The warmongers are all a fluster, as they won't get a chance (for at least today) to send someone else to fight an expensive and dangerous war on their behalf.  So now they must criticize substantive diplomacy because Iran=bad.  Ironically, the neo-conservative hawk's disdain for this deal is shared by the very people they are supposedly worried about:  The Mullahs in Iran.  They are kindred spirits of sorts, after-all if you've called someone evil for 36 years; it's awful hard politically to negotiate with them.